Living

I'm not sure what to write about but I was looking at this blog a little bit today. Looking at the name and thinking about what it means. What does it mean to live my words? Is this about being honest? Is it about living every moment and not forgetting? What is it? What was I thinking when I wrote that name? I wonder a bit. Then I decided I would write a little poem about what I think it means. Maybe it is about living not just in the moment but hanging onto it a bit; letting the moments linger.

I'm living.
My words
are like waves
washing and wishing
splashing and dashing
white capping
and thrashing
as I walk
my path washes away
but my words
stay as vivid
as the sunset.

Not Writing

I'm going to write about not writing. Yes. Not writing. 

I have been struggling to find my words lately. A friend recently shared this with me and it has helped me gain some insight into why. 

It is a post about how to find your "writing groove again."  

The first suggestion is to make a list of why you aren't writing. Well, there are many reasons actually. Things that do take priority at times but mostly I just feel very distracted from writing. Sitting down today to write this slice all I could think was, "I can't think." 

Then it says to purge your writing space. I spent countless hours about two years ago creating a space to write. You know what it looks like now? A mess. I don't even go down there anymore it is so overwhelmed with books and disarray. I guess I know what I need to do. 

Read a book, not just any book, but an amazing book or a craft book. Right now I'd give anything to have the attention span to read a page let alone a book. I think some good poetry is probably a place to start and I have several books just waiting to be opened. 

The last suggestion is to just do it, write anyway, even though you feel like you can't. I think this is my best option right now. Just do it and sludge through the mess that is likely going to arise in hopes that there is a piece or a phrase that ignites something worth telling. I think I need to get back to my writing habit and stop obsessing about my inability to hold onto thoughts right now.

not writing

no words

just here

will you lay

sprout from my ears

and please find your way

no dirge do I hear

your death 

not occurred

I'm waiting for you

on the page

to return

I Can't Help But Think...

little fingers

shoes untied

fumbling hands

and sparkling eyes

smiles big

while some have tears

hugs for both

will steer the year

happy days

and bad ones too

here we go

we go to school

September 2nd is the day! The day little feet come walking in my door and we start a new journey together. I went from first grade back to kindergarten this year, so essentially that is like leaving second grade (end of first) and going back to preschool (incoming kindergartners). UGH! I can't say I'm not a little nervous but it will be like riding a bike. I will remember what to do and we will have a great year together, at least eventually. :)

August Has Arrived

It's hitting me. The loss of my class from last year. I am sad. I started this week with some new kindergarten kiddos and as expected found myself missing my former students. I saw one of them dropping off a sibling; it stung a little more to get a hug from her. I don't officially start back until September 2nd but we have a week long camp for incoming students to acclimate to the building and staff. It is a great opportunity for all of us to ease back in and get to know the kids and their parents. I sat yesterday with two on my lap sobbing after I pealed them off their parents. I had some aggression come out in some today that was a little unexpected. Then there are the rambunctious behaviors that are fun but also need to be kept in check. We had a fun two days. Three to go and then I can go back to a little summer before it all really happens.

Finale

As I write this I am standing in my classroom. I walked out right after school on our last day, June 18th. I had to get to a conference in Indiana and my classroom would have to wait.  When I returned I was pleasantly surprised with my daily progress while packing up. I came across a few pictures, reminders and little notes students had written me this year. I held back a few tears. I finally feel done with the year. I finally feel good about what I gave these kids over the past two years. It was tough to say goodbye, but I know they are ready for next year. I'm sorry to see them all split into different classrooms; they were such a little family. I look forward to a new crop in the fall. A crew of kindergartners itching to be writers, readers, scientists, mathematicians and historians. I look forward to being that first teacher to some who haven't been to preschool. But most of all, I look forward to teaching my new students how to be kind, gracious and caring to one another. I love being a part of growing kids who love learning but also who love each other.

Readers

At dismissal today we all sat in a line waiting for the buses to pull up. I looked at the row of students. Over half of them were reading while they waited. It gave me a bit of joy at the end of a long day to see them reading. A time when they don't really have to read. They just wanted to.

Yesterday, one of my students said to me, "Mrs. Hubbard, feel my backpack!" I get this a lot being a first grade teacher. Kids are always wanting me to feel how heavy or light their bags are. I lifted her bag and almost dropped it to the floor.
"Kaylee, what on earth do you have in here, rocks?"
"NOoo! Look inside!" she said with a grin the size of her head!

I opened her backpack, mind you a little afraid. It was really heavy. Inside were at least a dozen books. She started laughing like she couldn't get the giggles out fast enough.
"I told you it wasn't rocks!"

These Kids

Through scrapes and bruises
I hugged you through
I wiped away tears
You nestled into
my arms full of hope
for your future
I blink
It's brighter and bigger
than you'll ever think
I'll watch you continue
side by side
hand in hand
as you make me proud
that you took a stand
and stayed by each other
like brothers and sisters
a family forever
it's you
I'll remember.

I have been feeling a bit melancholy this week. I am realizing I have little time left with my kiddos and it makes me a bit sad. I've done everything I can do. More than anything else I hope they are better people that will stick by each other forever. I've had them for two years, all of them, with a few new ones here and there. We've grown so close and I will always know how they are doing since they are in the same class of students as my daughter. I will be able to watch them all grow and change. I tell them this. I will be watching. I will be checking to make sure they keep their promise to stand by each other for the rest of their life, (a bit dramatic, but they're six so a bit of drama is necessary).