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Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Not Ready

Early Sunday morning, I was attempting to percolate a post for Two Writing Teachers. I had a handful of ideas but had been so buried I hadn't "put pen to paper."
I ended up writing what sounded like too much of a downer of a post. I did end up using parts of it but merged multiple parts of my ideas into one. I knew it was a pretty real part of what I was feeling, but it also felt a bit more personal than a TWT post. 

The general start of the post was this:

As I write this post, it is the early hours of the day before the first day, and like any other, that could be compared, I am not ready. Just as I would not be "ready" for the first day in my classroom. There is always that measure of readiness before the first day. 

"So, are you ready for your first day?"
"Ready enough!"

No one is ever ready. 
I don't know what will go wrong. I don't know what will be successful. I'm not sure how my students will respond to my math and social studies lessons. I've accepted that I may never be on the pulse of the needs within the moment because most of those moments will not include me in live time. Conferring with readers and writers will be different, and even under the best circumstances when we are all together, it's a challenge. 
I continue to spiral around the questions:

Is this authentic
Will they do this
What's the value
How does this match my beliefs
Will they smile
Will they cry
Will someone be there
Will they love learning
Will they hate "learning"...after this...what will they have gained. 

So, I'm not ready.

I'm now on day two of our official distance learning plan. I'm still not ready, but I'm moving. I'm moving along and hoping things get better. I'm pretty sure it isn't going to get easier, but that's okay. One part I was ready for, and I realized it yesterday--I was ready to SEE my students. I have seen 18 of the 25 faces, and I hope to see a few more soon. Thank goodness for technology.