Full Circle Hippo

When I was six years old, it was discovered that I had a type of inguinal hernia that had likely been present since birth. I don't recall any of the doctor appointments that ultimately led to surgery, but I do remember the day of surgery in some pieced out details.

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When we arrived at the hospital, we were directed to follow the yellow line to the waiting area. I recall thinking it was amazing there was a line on the floor, and was it put there just for me? Did they know I didn't know where to go?

My parents and I sat in the waiting room for a few minutes when someone came and asked me if I would like to go to the playroom. I was eager to see it. I had my own teddy bear, Cindy, with me, and I was excited to show her the playroom. After I was there for a few minutes, a nice lady came into the room and asked me to drink a small cup of clear fluid. She said it tasted like a candy cane. I wasn't necessarily a huge fan of strong peppermint flavor, but this was not the taste of a candy cane. It was something horrible masked with a burning mint aftertaste that barely resembled anything with "candy" in the name. I remember feeling duped, suddenly wondering what else would be experienced differently than communicated.

My next memory is being in a hospital gown and thinking it was a bit scratchy but different from anything I had, so, therefore, it was cool. I also got a really cool hat just like the nurses, AND they let Cindy come into the operating room right on the gurney. I held my mom's hand until I didn't, and then she got further and further away.

When they moved me from the gurney to the bed where my surgery would take place, I remember being much more scared than I had been prior. There were a lot of people around me, and the man standing over my head told me to start counting as he placed a mask over my face. I remember him getting to three.

When I woke up in the recovery room, I was confused. The room felt blurry, and I couldn't move. I looked to my right and saw a man lying there, sleeping on the bed next to me, and I also started to wonder where Cindy had gone. Moments later, I began hearing loud noises and people running around the room. I looked to my right again and no longer could see the man but instead several people around him doing something. I don't know if I made a noise or someone just noticed me, but almost immediately, a woman was standing right in my gaze with a beautiful smile on her face welcoming me awake. She also had Cindy in her hand. I was so comforted in that moment of confusion and concern.

When I was able to be reunited with my parents, they had a little something to give me for being so brave. It was a small grey stuffed hippo. It was the cutest little hippo I'd ever seen, and I name him Hernie. He sat on a ledge in my bedroom for the remaining years of my childhood. Then he lived in a trunk of mementos. Not too long ago, I gave him to my daughter, and two days ago, I found him in the back of her closet. Just two days before what would be my second hernia operation.

So, today I was able to take Hernie to my operation, he stayed in my purse, but he was there, and he was a comfort while we drove the 40 minutes to the hospital early this morning and I held him in my hands. Now he's sitting next to me while I recover at home.