I ended up writing what sounded like too much of a downer of a post. I did end up using parts of it but merged multiple parts of my ideas into one. I knew it was a pretty real part of what I was feeling, but it also felt a bit more personal than a TWT post.
The general start of the post was this:
As I write this post, it is the early hours of the day before the first day, and like any other, that could be compared, I am not ready. Just as I would not be "ready" for the first day in my classroom. There is always that measure of readiness before the first day.
"So, are you ready for your first day?"
"Ready enough!"
No one is ever ready.
I don't know what will go wrong. I don't know what will be successful. I'm not sure how my students will respond to my math and social studies lessons. I've accepted that I may never be on the pulse of the needs within the moment because most of those moments will not include me in live time. Conferring with readers and writers will be different, and even under the best circumstances when we are all together, it's a challenge.
I continue to spiral around the questions:
Is this authentic
Will they do this
What's the value
How does this match my beliefs
Will they smile
Will they cry
Will someone be there
Will they love learning
Will they hate "learning"...after this...what will they have gained.
So, I'm not ready.
I'm now on day two of our official distance learning plan. I'm still not ready, but I'm moving. I'm moving along and hoping things get better. I'm pretty sure it isn't going to get easier, but that's okay. One part I was ready for, and I realized it yesterday--I was ready to SEE my students. I have seen 18 of the 25 faces, and I hope to see a few more soon. Thank goodness for technology.
It will get easier, Betsy, I promise. I am on week six now and am just settling into what I believe is my new new normal. And now that our Governor announced today we will not reopen, I suspect their will be a third round of calibrating. At the end of the day, I'm just so happy I've seen my students faces, or at least some of them. And there's always the hope of tomorrow that a few more will join us. Peace, and best of luck as you move forward.
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely a different kind of first day and I think an interesting idea to explore. I think because usually first days, while they fill me with dread, there's also that energy you build as you go through the day. This first day wasn't like that, and I think you're capturing that pretty well in this entry -- it's more uncertainty and not the same thrill.
ReplyDeleteI feel your trepidation and intimidation, Betsy. I can not believe we have entered week 6 of this “distance learning,” but we have. Am I any better at it? Not sure. But I love the questions you ask which are reflective of a teacher who cares. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is difficult territory. There is only so much planning and predicting that is productive.Like everything we do, we just have to jump in and adjust. Your reflective stance will do you well. Be kind to yourself. Seeing your students will lift your heart and set you on the right path.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you wrote real and raw here...I'm glad you saw your students...I'm sure they were glad to see you. I hope remote learning is going well, although I doubt it will ever feel "right." Just remember you are right for the students you have right now. Shine on, Ruth
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