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Sunday, March 11, 2018

And the Beat Goes On

I spent most of my day looking at numbers, abbreviations, totals, and contents. As I did this, I came across a receipt. I didn't realize at first the receipt I was looking at and then I was taken back to the moment.

My hands were on the cart. I was void of any emotion other than bewilderment. I stood and stared at shirts, pajamas, socks, and pants. I looked at the shoes, on my feet, now blackened but wearable. Would I buy shoes today? No, I needed socks more than I needed shoes.

I started randomly grabbing items. Toothbrushes, four, into the cart. Pens, paper, and a folder, into the cart. Shirts, two packs of socks, and a long sleeve shirt since the one I had on wasn't even my own but belonged to my neighbor.

Circling the aisles I'd forget what I was doing there, overwhelmed by feeling like I had nothing, needed everything, yet wanted nothing. It's what you do in moments when you don't know what to do. It's what you do when you don't know what might happen in the next five minutes, hours, or days.



And now today, I sat at my newer table, with my newer mug, with my newer computer and entered numbers into spreadsheets. I can't be filled with anything but gratitude now, but I still remember.



6 comments:

  1. Your slice pulled me in as I wondered, "Why does she have nothing, need everything, yet want nothing?"
    I'm glad today you are in a better place and that gratitude has replaced your overwhelmed emotions on 11-5-16.

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  2. So amazing how one date can bring back such memories.

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  3. Was there a fire?! This is what my inferencing skills have told me... otherwise I am bewildered, too?!

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  4. I'm inferencing that there was a fire? The blackened shoes, the shirt that belonged to a neighbor, the feeling of loss and bewilderment about starting from nothing... these are great details but I am sorry that this happened. This is a really effective piece of writing.

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  5. Oh, Betsy. What a powerful, emotional, personal slice. One receipt. All the memories. It's a piece of who you are and what you experienced ... yet, it doesn't define you or your life. That was a dark, hard season of life and I am thankful, you are able to live in the positive with so much gratitude today. Hugs to you!

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  6. I'm sure you'll continue to have moments like this when something brings you right back to those dark days after the fire. We're all here for you because even as time passes, there will always be deep emotions connected to that time in your lives.

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Thanks for the comment love!